Alternate Realities

Sommer Mathis, in classic Sommer Mathis fashion, has cryptically linked to a thread that she found pleasantly amusing by being insulting towards Baltimore.

>> "We are told that Homicide is based on a non-fiction book by Wire scribe David Simon. And we, ourselves, live in the same world as David Simon. Which means that we are all, every one of us, the fantasy of an autistic child." [DCeiver]

“Huh,” I thought to myself. Why the eff is she linking to this? So I followed. What it lead to was a convoluted joke argument explaining, how, as the final episode of St. Elsewhere it is revealed that the entire series was the dream of an autistic child, every show that has some link, via fictional universe crossovers, also does not exist. As Homicide has a direct link, and was based on the experiences of David Simon, he too does not exist. Reality as we know it, is fiction, etc., etc...

What, you ask, is the purpose of all this? Ah, yes, the final punchline. Wait for it...

“All I know, is that this means Baltimore doesn't exist, we've all a reason to feel relieved.”

HAR. Good one. Very clever. For better or for worse, we live in a reality that is not effected by fictitious paradoxes. We all live in the real world, where, for better or for worse, Baltimore is a very real place, and WASHINGTON D.C. IS THE FAKE IMAGINARY CITY THAT DOESN’T REALLY EXIST. But I can completely understand why you Washingtonians would prefer an alternate reality where Baltimore doesn’t exist, where the city you call home isn’t make believe, and where Washington actually has a cultural relevance outside the context of federal government.

In this alternate reality, there are only 3 global cities: Washington D.C., Canberra and Brasilia, and Star Trek is evil and all the actors have goatees.

Washington should totally create a website devoted to this alternate reality. It would be a blog version of Second Life. Oh wait. It already exists. It’s called DCist. Let's see - pretending that Baltimore is culturally irrelevant. Check. Pretending that Washington D.C. is culturally relevant and not just some place where politicians park their penises in whores in hotels, or in the asses of constitutants in real states. Check.

Oh. Wait a second. I just remembered. David Simon isn’t from Baltimore. He was born in Washington D.C. Maybe they’re right. Maybe he really is fake. His birth would certainly support the thesis. After all, how can a real person be born in a fake city? It isn’t possible. Do Washingtonians dream of electric sheep?