Two Pronged Assault
After over a month and a half of minding their manners (with the exception of some guy blathering on about classical music on a page marketed towards the internet generation. I don’t even know how to address that one), Heather Goss and Lindsay Gibson joined forces in a two pronged assault with conjoined posts claiming Baltimore as a DC suburb.
In the first, Heather Goss, a Californian, reported that Washington D.C.’s Senator Theater is facing foreclosure due to “ contractual restrictions limiting their film choices and nearby construction cutting off access to the establishment.” A.K.A. the owner is still whining like a bitch because the Charles would not allow him to play Fahrenheit 9/11 and put their own business at risk in the process and blaming everything other than his own management style for his theater’s financial woes. I was willing to keep an open mind about the whole Charles/Senator fight, even after listening to his whiny voiceovers at the Rotunda blaming lack of theater ticket sales on people not boo-hoo-hoo supporting the Baltimore Sun anymore, until he admitted to the press that he was happy that a large conglomerate theater chain was possibly coming to the harbor because it could potentially put the meanies at the Charles out of business. So I guess he isn’t about the content and accessibility of quality films for the people of Baltimore, huh? It’s all about some pretty building that he owns. I’ve refused spend a dime in either of his theaters since he went public with that little shitty. But I’ve probably spent hundreds at the Charles. Maybe I’m not the only one?
But hell, why listen to a Baltimorean about a Baltimorean issue when someone from California who lives in DC can tell you it’s all about “nearby construction” and “contractual restrictions” that aren’t even enforced anymore by his primary competitors in Towson (Why the fuck didn’t he buy and develop that parking lot across the street anyway? Did he just think he would guilt them into losing money by letting his patrons park on that muddy lot forever? If the Belvedere Square business owners love his theater so much, why didn’t they come to an agreement to allow his patrons to use their lot? Did he try to cry like a baby until they would let him use that for free too? I guess trying to cry like a baby until you get your way for free isn’t the smartest business tactic.). After all, she can read Thomas Kiefaber’s online whining and know what everything is all about just as well sitting on a couch in D.C. as she could sitting on a couch in Baltimore, right?
Someone mentioned the obvious in the comments that DCist had no place covering Baltimore, which caused some ass to respond:
Well, ass, no, the Senator Theatre is NOT relevant to DCist readers; and no, the photo should not be tagged “DCist” by the photographer. Nor should the photo be listed in the flickr “Washington DC/Metro Area (Pool)” as the theater isn’t even in the D.C. Metro area. It is in a larger city in a metro area next to yours. I happen to also be familiar with the Uptown Theater, but I don’t give a shit about it because it isn’t relevant to me. I’m also familiar with the Key, the Biograph and the Outer Limits, but that doesn’t make them my issue. Oh wait, but they don’t exist anymore. Oops. I almost forgot. I don’t give a shit either way. Your theaters are your issue. And those 34 miles that separate Baltimore and Washington’s borders happen to be the longest 34 miles in America. Regardless of the fact that our metropolitan areas touch, our two cities might as well be Seattle and Miami from a cultural standpoint. We have nothing to do with one another.
In part two of yesterday’s “DCist thinks we’re their suburb” coverage, Lindsay Gibson, who seems to be taking over Sommer Mathis’ position, that, as DCist’s Staff page informs us, is from Illinois and “ spent four harrowing years in Baltimore before moving to Washington in 2001,” covers the probable demise of Baltimore’s Believe campaign under the direction of Baltimore’s new mayor.
Well, Lindsay, I’m sure it must have been positively “harrowing” living in Charles Village, what with all the disproportionate and overwhelming police presence kept in place around the campus to ease the fears of the parents of all the spoiled rich white brats that had to be surrounded by all those "harrowing" black folk. After all, up here in Baltimore, we don’t know how to keep all our black people corralled on one side of the city, leaving a decidedly un-harrowing lily-white faux-urban utopia on the other. You have to teach us how to do that. We want to be a first class city, too. I’m not saying that we aren’t just as segregated as every other city in the country, but we just don’t know how to get them all in one place. We segregate block-by-block, and it’s just a fucking mess. You remember what it was like, don’t you? After all, you spent for “harrowing” years here. If we do it like you in D.C., we can just pretend they don’t exist, just like you guys do. Then, we can live in the city and not have it be all “harrowing” on our ass. THAT would be SOOOOO awesome! Maybe we can just shove them out of the city and make them someone else’s problem, JUST LIKE YOU GUYS! Then we can pat ourselves on the back and congratulate ourselves for our urban improvements. Let’s do lunch sometime. We can trade secrets. You get me, right? You were just like me for four “harrowing” years.
But enough of that. Let’s get back to your blurb about our new mayor and her plans with the Believe campaign.
What’s her name, again?
Oh, right, I forgot, you didn’t mention that. That’s funny? A blurb about our mayor and you don’t even mention her name, as though the name of a mayor of a city of 641,943 people within your metropolitan area really doesn’t matter or is all that important to either D.C. or the DCist readership. She really isn’t, is she? Of course, you remember O’Malley. After all, he was mayor for two of your four “harrowing” years here, was recently in the D.C. news because of an election that did matter to the D.C. metropolitan area, is now governor of a large percentage of that readership, and is just cute as a button! But the name of the mayor of the city of Baltimore doesn’t make a God damned bit of difference to Washington. I’m not disagreeing. I’m just pointing out a fact. You don’t really give a shit, and if it is okay by you, we would rather some supposed blog voice of record NOT choose to be inclusive of us on slow news days when, when push comes to shove, you couldn’t give a rat’s ass about us. I can assure you, we don’t give a rat’s ass about you*. So please, no more of your rat’s ass half assed bullshit. Thank you.
Oh, and by the way, her name is Sheila Dixon. You might as well know the names if you’re going to keep up with the news in the ol’ ‘hood.
* Except, of course, to hate you.
In the first, Heather Goss, a Californian, reported that Washington D.C.’s Senator Theater is facing foreclosure due to “ contractual restrictions limiting their film choices and nearby construction cutting off access to the establishment.” A.K.A. the owner is still whining like a bitch because the Charles would not allow him to play Fahrenheit 9/11 and put their own business at risk in the process and blaming everything other than his own management style for his theater’s financial woes. I was willing to keep an open mind about the whole Charles/Senator fight, even after listening to his whiny voiceovers at the Rotunda blaming lack of theater ticket sales on people not boo-hoo-hoo supporting the Baltimore Sun anymore, until he admitted to the press that he was happy that a large conglomerate theater chain was possibly coming to the harbor because it could potentially put the meanies at the Charles out of business. So I guess he isn’t about the content and accessibility of quality films for the people of Baltimore, huh? It’s all about some pretty building that he owns. I’ve refused spend a dime in either of his theaters since he went public with that little shitty. But I’ve probably spent hundreds at the Charles. Maybe I’m not the only one?
But hell, why listen to a Baltimorean about a Baltimorean issue when someone from California who lives in DC can tell you it’s all about “nearby construction” and “contractual restrictions” that aren’t even enforced anymore by his primary competitors in Towson (Why the fuck didn’t he buy and develop that parking lot across the street anyway? Did he just think he would guilt them into losing money by letting his patrons park on that muddy lot forever? If the Belvedere Square business owners love his theater so much, why didn’t they come to an agreement to allow his patrons to use their lot? Did he try to cry like a baby until they would let him use that for free too? I guess trying to cry like a baby until you get your way for free isn’t the smartest business tactic.). After all, she can read Thomas Kiefaber’s online whining and know what everything is all about just as well sitting on a couch in D.C. as she could sitting on a couch in Baltimore, right?
Someone mentioned the obvious in the comments that DCist had no place covering Baltimore, which caused some ass to respond:
Not sure what you mean. Should the photo not be tagged with DCist or is the possible closing of the Senator Theatre not relevant to DCist readers?
I think there are DCist readers who frequent Baltimore and are familiar with the theater. Also, the photo was shot within the general geographic area--the two cities are only separated by 34 miles.
Well, ass, no, the Senator Theatre is NOT relevant to DCist readers; and no, the photo should not be tagged “DCist” by the photographer. Nor should the photo be listed in the flickr “Washington DC/Metro Area (Pool)” as the theater isn’t even in the D.C. Metro area. It is in a larger city in a metro area next to yours. I happen to also be familiar with the Uptown Theater, but I don’t give a shit about it because it isn’t relevant to me. I’m also familiar with the Key, the Biograph and the Outer Limits, but that doesn’t make them my issue. Oh wait, but they don’t exist anymore. Oops. I almost forgot. I don’t give a shit either way. Your theaters are your issue. And those 34 miles that separate Baltimore and Washington’s borders happen to be the longest 34 miles in America. Regardless of the fact that our metropolitan areas touch, our two cities might as well be Seattle and Miami from a cultural standpoint. We have nothing to do with one another.
In part two of yesterday’s “DCist thinks we’re their suburb” coverage, Lindsay Gibson, who seems to be taking over Sommer Mathis’ position, that, as DCist’s Staff page informs us, is from Illinois and “ spent four harrowing years in Baltimore before moving to Washington in 2001,” covers the probable demise of Baltimore’s Believe campaign under the direction of Baltimore’s new mayor.
Well, Lindsay, I’m sure it must have been positively “harrowing” living in Charles Village, what with all the disproportionate and overwhelming police presence kept in place around the campus to ease the fears of the parents of all the spoiled rich white brats that had to be surrounded by all those "harrowing" black folk. After all, up here in Baltimore, we don’t know how to keep all our black people corralled on one side of the city, leaving a decidedly un-harrowing lily-white faux-urban utopia on the other. You have to teach us how to do that. We want to be a first class city, too. I’m not saying that we aren’t just as segregated as every other city in the country, but we just don’t know how to get them all in one place. We segregate block-by-block, and it’s just a fucking mess. You remember what it was like, don’t you? After all, you spent for “harrowing” years here. If we do it like you in D.C., we can just pretend they don’t exist, just like you guys do. Then, we can live in the city and not have it be all “harrowing” on our ass. THAT would be SOOOOO awesome! Maybe we can just shove them out of the city and make them someone else’s problem, JUST LIKE YOU GUYS! Then we can pat ourselves on the back and congratulate ourselves for our urban improvements. Let’s do lunch sometime. We can trade secrets. You get me, right? You were just like me for four “harrowing” years.
But enough of that. Let’s get back to your blurb about our new mayor and her plans with the Believe campaign.
What’s her name, again?
Oh, right, I forgot, you didn’t mention that. That’s funny? A blurb about our mayor and you don’t even mention her name, as though the name of a mayor of a city of 641,943 people within your metropolitan area really doesn’t matter or is all that important to either D.C. or the DCist readership. She really isn’t, is she? Of course, you remember O’Malley. After all, he was mayor for two of your four “harrowing” years here, was recently in the D.C. news because of an election that did matter to the D.C. metropolitan area, is now governor of a large percentage of that readership, and is just cute as a button! But the name of the mayor of the city of Baltimore doesn’t make a God damned bit of difference to Washington. I’m not disagreeing. I’m just pointing out a fact. You don’t really give a shit, and if it is okay by you, we would rather some supposed blog voice of record NOT choose to be inclusive of us on slow news days when, when push comes to shove, you couldn’t give a rat’s ass about us. I can assure you, we don’t give a rat’s ass about you*. So please, no more of your rat’s ass half assed bullshit. Thank you.
Oh, and by the way, her name is Sheila Dixon. You might as well know the names if you’re going to keep up with the news in the ol’ ‘hood.
* Except, of course, to hate you.
posted by dcistgohome at 1:26 AM
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