Year II, Part II, Same Smug Self Satisfied B.S. from DCist

For the second year in a row, Virgin Fest has opted to hold their eastern United States mega-concert at Pimlico in the northwest corner in Baltimore. For the second year in a row, DCist is beaming with pride over this for what they consider *their* Virgin Festival. And for the second year in a row, Amanda Mattos, in a post laughably titled “Virgin Fest is Comin' to Town,” has dealt with this difficult and incorrect claim by uncomfortably and clumsily neglecting to mention the Pimlico is actually in Baltimore, a city D.C. generally never wants anything to do with unless it serves their characteristic sense of arrogant self entitlement.

Last year we were all lathered up about getting a mega-fest of our very own (or at least, within reasonable stomping-ground distance)

That’s funny, DCist never fails to mention geographic or municipal locations in their reporting of matters within their own metropolitan geography, whether it is inside D.C., or in Fairfax, or Rockville or whatever. But for the second year in a row, DCist has opted to neglect mentioning that Pimlico is not in fact in D.C.

I wonder why?

Oh yeah. They actually know they have no business claiming Baltimore as belonging to them. They actually know that Baltimore has an independent economy. They actually know Baltimore has an independent media market, and an independent culture, and an independent everything else. They actually know the two cities have nothing to do with one another. This works out wonderfully when they want another major metropolitan city to piss on; but dammit, this isn’t going to stop them when they want to congratulate themselves and rah rah about their own imaginary awesomeness. Nothing is going to stop a Washingtonian when they see an opportunity to pat themselves on the back.

Amanda Mattos, here is the deal with Virgin choosing Pimlico to be their eastern United States venue:

1) The festival must be located somewhere within the eastern seaboard Megapolis... somewhat close to the population centers of real cities like New York and Philadelphia. [Options: Boston, New York, Philadelphia, Baltimore, D.C.]
2) The festival must not be prohibitively distant from the American Southeast. [Options: Boston, New York, Philadelphia, Baltimore, D.C.]
3) Optimally, the festival should be located within the Megapolis closest to the densely populated Ohio Valley. [Options: Boston, New York, Philadelphia, Baltimore, D.C.]
4) The festival must be located in a metropolitan area that has the infrastructure to handle such a large population influx. [Options: Boston, New York, Philadelphia, Baltimore, D.C.]

1 + 2 + 3 + 4 = Pimlico.

Virgin could not give a rat’s ass what city adds up in the equation. All they care about is the equation itself. Not only does this festival have nothing to do with D.C., it really doesn’t have anything to do with Baltimore either, other than being the metropolitan area that most optimally fulfilled all of the above criteria.

Yay! Criteria! Woo!!!

If you’ll notice, nobody in Baltimore is patting themselves on their back over this. Would you like to know why? It’s because it is not in our nature to falsely congratulate ourselves over nothing. But, oh, is it in yours in spades. You do it when you have an argument, and you find a way to do it when you have no argument.

This, of course, is the latter.

But congratulations on yet again having “a mega-fest of [your] very own.”